More Goals That I'll Never Accomplish!

I've started working out... for real this time. I'm not particularly chubby, or looking for a mate, but I thought it might make me feel better. I've been told your body release endorphins when you exercise - free drugs, what's not to like?! Burning thighs, that's what. I worked out for only 30 minutes yesterday, but my thighs are still burning. Whenever I walk up stairs, I feel like I'm going to collapse... which tells me I'm really out of shape.

I also think if I strength train a bit, I should be able to lift things without straining my tendinitis or hurting myself. Also, if I get back into the shape that I was when I was a gymnast, I can be batgirl and fight crime. There are so many benefits of exercising.

Also, I've been eating fruits and veggies like mad crazy. I love pineapple and celery. Sure, I still eat fried food... but that will never stop. It's too delicious. But, I'm trying to eat better...

Today I held an on-phone family therapy session. Not really. My spoiled sister upset my mom, my mom went hormone crazy, I talked to them both for an hour, etc... Hopefully that drama settles, because I want to go home and visit this weekend.

I also went and saw an apartment randomly after work. IT WAS A DREAM. One bedroom, one bathroom, built in cabinets/wardrobe, hardwood floors, A/C, stainless steel appliances, and A DISHWASHER! I've never experienced a dishwasher before - that was just my father's nickname. I'm quite excited. Rent is $945 - which is do-able between Derek and I. I'M SO EXCITED! A CLEAN APARTMENT! YESSS! I'M GONNA DECORATE SO MAD CRAZY! Also, I think the landlord is a nerd due to his Star Trek pendant on his necklace... another bonus.

Still nervous about my meeting tomorrow, but I'm going to man up! I suppose I'll work out now and work on revising a paper. Then maybe look into the embryonic stem cell issue with the NIH. I want to send in a comment that embryonic stem cells are a must and that people's ethical issues need to get out of the way of science. They don't tell you how to do your job (unless you're doing it wrong, of course).

Wednesday Meeting

One of my professors wants to meet me this Wednesday morning to discuss my honors project I did for her last semester. I'm super nervous. She said she was amazed by it, but I'm still nervous. Why does she want to meet?! I'm freaking out. Maybe she thinks I did not do the project by myself? It was hard for me, but not that hard... I figured it out after a while. Maybe she wants me to do more? I'm so driven, but lazy during the summer. What I'm most nervous about is if she thinks it's good and would have positive applications to the real, hardcore world of museum curatorship. But, I'm known to have delusions of grandeur regarding my ideas and works.

Computer-people tell me my project is crappy. My boyfriend said that it's "really good, for [me]", due to my lack of computer savvy-ness. I felt accomplished after finishing it. It's posted below if you care. I only made the first floor, though... there is supposed to be eight total, that go up like a pagoda - with a zen rock garden and a cafe at the top. I wrote a paper and selected ton of objects. It was really fun.

...I'm still nervous.

Mystery Injury

I often hurt myself. There's no delicate way of saying it - I'm horribly clumsy. Sunday morning I woke up with something on my nose, I have no idea what it is, but I most likely did it to myself during the night. I think it's some kind of burn? I don't know. It hurts like hell.

It does no look that bad, though... I was feeling sick to my stomach the night before, and woke up violently around 2:30 when my boyfriend's sister called. I then woke up on my hallway floor about 10 minutes later. Waking up from deep sleep does weird things to you... I think this happened around then.

Well... I need to go to work. I don't want to go =_=.... this week I have to work more than usual to help get ready for an auditor who is coming in sometime. I'm too tired from the weekend. It's going to be harder to work this week, because it's supposed to be so nice out! >_< Ugh...

Some Ideas

I've been thinking of some ideas for papers/projects/etc... lately, because of course I cannot let my brain rest. I've just been chilling and watching Netflix all week, and being so relaxed is making me crazy.

I want to explore the relationship between HDTV and the uncanny valley. Everyone who comes over to my new apartment to enjoy my new, awesome TV freaks out. Everyone's comments are generally the same, too. They say that watching sports in HD feels alright, because it's "real life". However, when watching a movie or television show people feel uncomfortable because it feels "real". Kind of interesting. Also, everyone thinks television dramas look like Spanish soap operas due to the incredible refresh rate. I may look into this... It could be interesting.

I also have to start thinking about my thesis. I was thinking of expanding my Kannon paper from before (which is posted somewhere around here). I was thinking of exploring a specifically Japanese gender identity idea... or gender in Buddhism in general. It's really hard to narrow myself down a bit, though, I think the paper will end up around 30 pages. I'd rather write my thesis on the above idea at this point, but in the long run I know I'm interested in Buddhism and Japanese Art History, so I should write a thesis around this... otherwise I may not get into a good graduate school.

I'm totally freaking out about graduate school right now. I don't know where I'm gonna go. I was thinking of applying to Berkley due to some encouragement from professors, but my lower-middle class background is telling me I'll never get in - and if I did, it would totally be sit-com-esque. You know... like... She was just a middle class girl from the suburbs whose parents did not go to college - now she's in the big leagues, etc, etc... she slowly transforms from cussing and watching TV to sipping wine and reading the New York Times, etc...

Actually, I slowly feel like I'm transforming into an academic and it scares me. I have the New York Times on my iPhone and totally read it. Sometimes I catch myself saying snooty things. I just want to chill out and watch my prime time dramas, read comic books, and eat nachos. But, at the same time, becoming a haughty-toughty academic seems sort of appealing. I really want to become the director of the Art Institute one day. For my oral Japanese final I said I wanted to become a person like James Cuno - ジャムスクノのような人になりたいです。I'm officially a museum nerd. Also, a Japanese nerd.

I still desperately want to go to Japan. I make so little money and all of it goes into living expenses... or expensive HDTVs... Maybe I'm not a responsible saver, but I'm sort of happy. A scholarship would be nice. I am a bit egotistical when I assume that I deserve one, but dammit, my GPA is high, I'm smart, and poor. My parents can't afford to have a kid in college with all the crap that's been happening in my family :\ I applied for 10 scholarships for next year so far... but, I'm starting to freak about grad school. How can I afford to go to a haughty taughty school?! All my professors keep saying "scholarships", "fellowships", etc... but if I can't get one now, how do I get one then?! And what am I supposed to do with a bachelors degree in Art History?! x_x ugh...

I went to the modern wing and it was awesome. I will probably do a post about it later. Maybe. I feel to ironic being a critic. Well, I'm going to go stumble around the city today, because it's nice and I feel a bit hung over from last night... which does not sound academic or professional. To celebrate my straight As and my friend's return for the summer we had a little shindig that involved playing a game called Dokapon Kingdom which is the shit. Most definitely. We also slightly boozed and ate a whole lot of food. Maybe I just ate too much =_=... ugh. I think I'll go frolic outside now. Yay.