Some Ideas

I've been thinking of some ideas for papers/projects/etc... lately, because of course I cannot let my brain rest. I've just been chilling and watching Netflix all week, and being so relaxed is making me crazy.

I want to explore the relationship between HDTV and the uncanny valley. Everyone who comes over to my new apartment to enjoy my new, awesome TV freaks out. Everyone's comments are generally the same, too. They say that watching sports in HD feels alright, because it's "real life". However, when watching a movie or television show people feel uncomfortable because it feels "real". Kind of interesting. Also, everyone thinks television dramas look like Spanish soap operas due to the incredible refresh rate. I may look into this... It could be interesting.

I also have to start thinking about my thesis. I was thinking of expanding my Kannon paper from before (which is posted somewhere around here). I was thinking of exploring a specifically Japanese gender identity idea... or gender in Buddhism in general. It's really hard to narrow myself down a bit, though, I think the paper will end up around 30 pages. I'd rather write my thesis on the above idea at this point, but in the long run I know I'm interested in Buddhism and Japanese Art History, so I should write a thesis around this... otherwise I may not get into a good graduate school.

I'm totally freaking out about graduate school right now. I don't know where I'm gonna go. I was thinking of applying to Berkley due to some encouragement from professors, but my lower-middle class background is telling me I'll never get in - and if I did, it would totally be sit-com-esque. You know... like... She was just a middle class girl from the suburbs whose parents did not go to college - now she's in the big leagues, etc, etc... she slowly transforms from cussing and watching TV to sipping wine and reading the New York Times, etc...

Actually, I slowly feel like I'm transforming into an academic and it scares me. I have the New York Times on my iPhone and totally read it. Sometimes I catch myself saying snooty things. I just want to chill out and watch my prime time dramas, read comic books, and eat nachos. But, at the same time, becoming a haughty-toughty academic seems sort of appealing. I really want to become the director of the Art Institute one day. For my oral Japanese final I said I wanted to become a person like James Cuno - ジャムスクノのような人になりたいです。I'm officially a museum nerd. Also, a Japanese nerd.

I still desperately want to go to Japan. I make so little money and all of it goes into living expenses... or expensive HDTVs... Maybe I'm not a responsible saver, but I'm sort of happy. A scholarship would be nice. I am a bit egotistical when I assume that I deserve one, but dammit, my GPA is high, I'm smart, and poor. My parents can't afford to have a kid in college with all the crap that's been happening in my family :\ I applied for 10 scholarships for next year so far... but, I'm starting to freak about grad school. How can I afford to go to a haughty taughty school?! All my professors keep saying "scholarships", "fellowships", etc... but if I can't get one now, how do I get one then?! And what am I supposed to do with a bachelors degree in Art History?! x_x ugh...

I went to the modern wing and it was awesome. I will probably do a post about it later. Maybe. I feel to ironic being a critic. Well, I'm going to go stumble around the city today, because it's nice and I feel a bit hung over from last night... which does not sound academic or professional. To celebrate my straight As and my friend's return for the summer we had a little shindig that involved playing a game called Dokapon Kingdom which is the shit. Most definitely. We also slightly boozed and ate a whole lot of food. Maybe I just ate too much =_=... ugh. I think I'll go frolic outside now. Yay.